Blogging

Dāna

The teaching about Dāna, as far as vipassana is concerned, is that you practice what you have learned for a while. Once you determine what the benefit is to you, you decide what you should contribute to the vipassana organization. There is no requirement to donate anything.

The first time we were allowed to speak, at the end of the Nobel silence, they were set up to take payment. There were a lot of “old students”, which means people who have already taken the ten day course previously. They would find it easier to know what an appropriate donation was for themselves.

I was thinking about looking up my budget, to solidify what I plan to give. An impressive amount, no doubt. Truth is, I’m finding what I have learned has improved my life already, a mere seven weeks later.

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Blogging

Roller coaster 

Despite the roller coaster of emotions I seem to be on, often crying during my meditation, my life feels like it is getting better.

My productivity has increased. I am getting lots of exercise, part of that is my iWatch, I’m sure, and in general I seem to be taking better care of myself all around.

My current plan is to continue to meditate daily and hopefully, things will smooth out.

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Blogging, Spirituality

12’ves

This has nothing to do with the story, I just needed a picture and this is kinda cool and I’ve never used it before.

I have mentioned in previous posts my propensity to see 11’s. Now I am seeing 12’s with the same frequency. I don’t know what that could possibly mean.

But each time it happens I think I am just a little out of sync right now. I wonder what that’s all about? Related or not, the new stage in my vipassana journey is to have emotions being expressed in my body.

I have become so accustomed to how I feel in “neutral”, when there are no emotions, that any disturbance is very noticeable. I’ve had three emotions come up over the last few days.

Insecurity, a totally foreign concept, overwhelmed me and I’m shocked I had suppressed that emotion. I never remember feeling that.

Or do I. The little girl with her bed pushed up against the wall so she could sleep next to it. She cried herself to sleep many a night.

There was no thought to go wake someone. There was no one there. No one who cared, anyhow. Mnmnnn.

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Blogging, Life Coaching, Spirituality

Body Language

So I’ve decided for now I’m just going to try to meditate every day, knowing I may miss the odd day and recognizing a certain density needs to be maintained.

The unfortunate thing is that meditating regularly is dislodging a lot of emotions I’ve had stored up.

Something almost came into my awareness. My whole body was not ok. I laid down and considered calling in sick.

At one point, my guard went down and I cried, one gulp before I automatically plugged it back up. Glimpses. Perhaps I’ll be aware of this body sensation in my vipassana. Which I am now considering my morning oasis. I know I was just in this delicious space and I know I can get back there tomorrow. But I digress.

Earlier I was in what I can best describe as emotional pain. I found another pocket I need to process. I am learning to listen to the language my body speaks. Today it was trying to tell me something is buried. I will do my best to dig it up.

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Blogging, Spirituality

Aversion

Suddenly, I realized I had forgotten one of the basics from vipassana. I no longer paid attention to whether or not I was craving or feeling aversion.

I had become totally preoccupied with the impact meditation was having on my life. I wrote of desires but the concept was the precepts.

I guess if you totally stopped craving, only experiencing the moment, you would not seek out the same activity. Seeking would be craving…

So I think I’ll set a reminder in my calendar and snooze it for a day. Reminding myself to be aware of any craving or aversion.

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Blogging, Spirituality

Irritation

This is a photo from Palas de Rei, Galicia, Spain. Not in any way related to the blog, but I wanted to add a photo.

So, I caught myself bitching, to myself, about other drivers. We all make mistakes and pretend we don’t so we can get all judgy about other people.

On a wintery, snow covered night, I intentionally pulled in front of a woman who had to veer into the other lane to miss me. I don’t mean to say I cut her off on purpose. I thought there was another lane and there wasn’t.

I figure it’s karma, because I know I got angry when someone did it to me. But I digress, the important thing is I recognized I felt irritated. I am getting irritated with the little inconveniences in life so infrequently now, it felt unwanted in my body.

So I’ve crossed the other line. I’m not doing vipassana enough. Now I’ve gotten to the point where I’m irritated when I should have been equanimitous.

Which, to me means I’m not meditating enough. I notice I’m grumpier when I meditate less. So I need to step it up.

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Blogging, Spirituality

More Meditation?

This is a picture I took in Santa Colomba de Somoza, Castile and Leon, Spain. While I was walking the Camino.

Vipassana is increasing in my days. My meditating is increasing, I’ve surpassed the five times a week I promised myself.

I find I notice my mind is resting on my body making me feel comforted and relaxed. Equanimity, not labelling things as good or bad, just as is.

Notice any knots, Annica, change. Annica is the word to describe an understanding that everything is impermanent. Do not label it as good or bad just accept it as is and know everything changes.

Unlike calming meditations, wonderful for clearing your mind, vipassana focuses the mind on the body. That place that is experiencing this moment directly, not just talking about it.

I realize how stories overlap in patterns and the mood becomes real in your own life. What I mean is that when I sit and observe my thoughts they bring with them a mood, a visual pattern and a set of thoughts. Ignoring this chatter, even for an hour a day, gives you a break.

It is making my whole life feel better. Better enough that I’m willing to re-examine each black pebble and see if there is more truth there.

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