Nod from the Universe

So, I’ve started to post again. For the longest time, when I wrote I would sell books. It seemed that simple and then it stopped.

I always write. It is almost a compulsion. I don’t feel satisfaction unless I write for at least an hour. Last night, away from my journals and my computer, I felt like writing and did so on my phone.

In a good month, I’ll sell ten books. The first was published in 2011 and the second a year or so later, followed by updates and edits, so I lost track of the final publication date.

I posted here and immediately sold five books. OK, I get it. Writing is not enough. I need to publish. I don’t claim to know how this all works, but I can observe a pattern. A clear pattern. Publish and you will sell books. Got it.


On-Line Dating

I have a stress headache. It is a totally foreign creature to me. It accompanied me this morning when I went down for coffee and at least an hour or so after I got up. Cottage, iWatch, Easter, Guests and yes, in the middle of that my daughter convinced me to sign up for on-line dating, so I did. I know it was too much all at once because I have a stress headache, as I mentioned earlier.

With Canadian apologies, I am being blunt and honest. I am way too old to be on a dating site, especially pretending to be someone I’m not. So blunt honesty it is. None of us want to waste our time.

I can’t know in advance if it will, or will not, turn out to be the right way to choose to be, but I am too old to spend very much time sitting in front of a screen chatting on a dating site. I’m currently “texting” a guy and it is sooooo boring. I doubt he knows I’m updating my blog. He is taking longer to answer than I am. I wonder what he is doing as well?

Funny my new fascination overlapped with my new watch so my first experiences with my iWatch have all been with notifications from the dating site. I was so thrilled to receive my first notification that I showed my daughter immediately. I had taken her advice and signed up. A guy was contacting me. The universe has a way of timing things perfectly. I took it as another joke. I was going to keep my membership a secret a while longer, but the universe had other ideas.


Cyber buddy

I’ve been debating buying an iWatch. I loved my last gadget for counting steps. I really felt compelled to complete them. I had the proof right there. I do miss the encouragement.

On the Camino, where I ran after the loss, I had to keep my phone with me at all times. So I had a super accurate record of how many steps I had taken, including steps to the washroom and across the room.

I was accustomed to the feed back and didn’t want to give it up. After dropping my phone on the dark, green, hard, ceramic tile in my washroom. I knew I had to buy something to replace my phone, before I broke it. I found the Misfit and loved it. I had hit 111 days, more or less, before I lost it.

Truth was, I was hurting myself and I knew it. I did the treadmill after closing the pool. Turns out all the lifting and bending and pulling, required to close a pool, doesn’t actually rack up very many steps. So even though I knew I was exhausted and my muscles were sore, I got onto the treadmill.

The universe liberated both of us. I couldn’t replace my tracker in time to maintain my streak. So, I decided to look into other trackers. I like the feedback. It motivates me. So do I need a “cyber friend” to keep me company or can I just support myself directly?


Universe Sound Effects

As I sat down someone scraped metal across metal, creating a large squeaking sound, which perfectly coincided with the bending of all my joints.

It’s like the universe has a sense of humour and altered the soundtrack

Blogging, Life Coaching

I’m Fat

I think I finally understand my inability to trust myself when it comes to matters of food. I refer to it as the “think yourself thin” days. The external rules to control eating, but the truth is, you must love yourself and then learn to respect hunger and full signals.

I’ve eaten as much as I want, of all the things, until I literally made myself sick. Abandoning all of the rules lead to excess. Like Elizabeth says in Eat, Pray, Love, sometimes you just have to cross the line to find out where the line is.

The scared part. The one that has often been restricted, wasn’t willing to discuss any other arrangement. I realize I’m talking about myself in the third person, but there is distinctly a scared little girl who used to go to bed hungry. Who often felt unloved and uncared for that gets the shit scared out of her when I decide to restrict what I eat. She is part of me. A very specific part of me.

Now I know I physically made myself sick by overeating a bunch of junk I have been denying myself. Without the goal of weight loss you can pay attention to how it makes you feel. This is the only honest way to be with yourself. 

Karma bitch slapped me. I went in and bought just candy. Specifically rosebuds and rockets. I’ve been craving sugar since Halloween. The woman gave me this discount for being over sixty. I’m fifty-four. The universe has a quirky sense of humour. 

I’m fat and it is OK. My goal is to love myself as I am now.

Blogging, Spirituality

Book Sales

So I asked myself the question earlier, I’ve written about the book sales before and it has been consistent why am I not writing?

Truth is, I let my left brain take over and decide how to prioritize my time. I began putting a lot of extra work into my life coaching business. I started a YouTube channel, did webinars, offered courses, sent out extra tweets to drive traffic to my site and totally lost track of what the universe was telling me.

Pure and simple the main feedback I get is that when I write, not publish–that is important here–I sell books. This is a tangible, countable phenomenon brought on by writing.

My next thing is to go to a 10-day silent Vipassana retreat. It was universe mandated. Let me explain. A woman I only know casually mentioned one was available in Ontario. I thought that was interesting and noted it.

Then, inexplicably, one morning I decided I needed to know more about it. I got on their website and felt an overwhelming urge to apply. The urge stayed with me until I had found the right course, sent in my application and asked for the time off of work. We’ll see where that takes me.



Handy Man

I went into the hardware store to buy scaffolding. Working with it on stairs isn’t even on YouTube! Can you imagine? There is one good video of a woman assembling a large scaffold on a stairway, but her stairs were carpet. Mine are hardwood. I did not want to damage the stairs.

There were little feet, I saw on-line, that could be used to stabilize the scaffold, but they were no longer available. I was trying to create the perfect leg or foot for the scaffold.

A man was walking towards the only box of scaffolding that appeared to be in the store. Actually, I knew the store only had the one because I had checked on-line and had considered buying it before driving out.

Anywho, I said something cute like, don’t take my scaffolding. I say cute, because it was the way I said it. I wasn’t being confrontational as much as playful. I was serious though. It would’ve been very upsetting for me to arrive and have this guy take it, just as I was about to get it.

He let me know he didn’t want the scaffolding it was just beneath was he was purchasing. He mentioned that it was a good price and he was impressed with how little the scaffolding cost. I spoke up, “How would you put feet on scaffolding instead of the wheels?”

“Why do you want to take the wheels off?”

“I am using it on the stairs.” I responded

He said, “Just use a one by six”

I let him know how helpful he was, that I thought it would work and that I knew I had some wood that size left over from the deck. A common theme in this batch of blogs. The universe provided me with what I needed, once again. And it came in a nice package, by the way.