Somehow, my self-esteem is tied to remaining fat as if I have to prove to the world that I don’t have to conform or that I can do it my way, something like that. The rest is all tied up in what I’ve done so far, that cannot be changed, was done while fat. Is it some how diminished? I’m trying to get this thought down and Sophie is barking constantly. Now I’ve lost my train of thought. I’m glad she is gone day after tomorrow.
Ironically, I mentioned in an earlier post how much I like the SSs in this font and now I dread typing them. I don’t like to feel this much negativity. In many ways I’ve removed as much as possible from my life. But its back! I’m so glad she is going home.
My weight was surprisingly low this morning. I think it is a hormone shift. For those of you just joining us, I started this blog because in a flood of hormones I almost adopted a puppy. Those same hormones seem to be puffing me out. There is other evidence that they have subsided for now, and likely for good. I’m coming up on a year.
The end of another era. It is astonishing to me how quickly life passes. How out of reach it suddenly becomes. Like getting on the plane in Cuba knowing that you are closer to the resort and yet you will not get there. The past is just as elusive.
I think I’ll need another smoke. Smoking is over represented in my blogs because they are both things I do only at home when relaxing. So I’m always writing at the same time I’m smoking.