Yes, this is the fourth post on the same topic. It is taking a lot more work to get this into a blog than I imagined it would. I know that not writing about this has jammed up the works. I find I cannot get to the next thing when something is in queue and I won’t write it.
In my mind’s eye, I envisioned myself as having an ability to write cutting edge stuff, provocative, interesting, controversial and the only reason I was not able to write that way was because I was forcing myself to write blogs for my coaching and about narcissism.
So I decided to take the gloves off and write what I actually was thinking about and what was going on in my real life, right now.
Despite being bombarded by bugs, birds and beasts very little is going on. Turns out, in just over a hundred short blogs I’ve said most of what I wanted to say. None of it was earth shattering or cutting edge.
Was my self-image a flea? (There is a link there. I know they are hard to see, because at this point NONE of them have been clicked in any of my blogs.)
Do I have an inflated self-image, based on nothing more than an attitude that I was brought up with and married into? Am I actually just an average writer with banal thoughts who just has a desire to write?
This is hard to swallow. How much of my life is just that? An unrealistic view of my talents and abilities brought on by living in an environment when anything less was belittled. That is why I am sad.