Blogging

Emotional Abuse

I’ll say it right up front. My specialty is narcissists, but I have come to see that not all abuse is without empathy. The tools are the same and the reason they work is the same.

If you have a relationship you are having trouble getting over, there may have been some level of manipulation. If you spend countless hours trying to remember details of your day so you can be certain when you defend yourself, you are being gaslighted.

If you would rather be at work then home, you need to examine that.

Emotional abuse works because a person who is supposed to love you and take care of you instead uses their connection with you to undermine your self confidence and make you feel inadequate.

If you often feel bad after being with someone who ‘loves’ you, consider the possibility they are emotionally abusing you.

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Primal Urges

The primal urges when one uses her hand. Feel the need to seek a mate over your entire body.

It creates a profound loneliness. I guess that is the way we’re designed. Touching ourselves makes us want to seek a mate. It’s a no brainer.

Let’s just say I don’t use my hands often. Too unsettling. I prefer the disconnection of an object. By choice, at least for the moment.

That can always change.

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On-Line Dating

The Problem with on-line dating is you miss the goal of socializing, not just meeting people for dates, I mean really socializing. Getting out, meeting people.

There are always ‘extra’ events that provide this function, but what we have lost is the on-going social interaction of common places. Gone are the days when you could get out socially with friends.

I’m not saying you can’t go out with friends, what is missing is the spontaneous encounters from having public places where people can meet.

On a few occasions, I have visited Europe. Their cities are designed for people to be out in common spaces together. These spaces are not very common in my corner of the woods. There are no waterfronts, gathering spaces or social activities that don’t require planning in advance.

The ‘bar scene’ seems to pale in comparison to the piazza, but I digress.

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I Flew a Plane Today

An event came up on the dating site I am on and I thought I would enjoy it, so I went with seven other women and eight men, I think.

Cute group. We’re all there to fly a plane with the secondary hope that we will meet a likeminded individual we might like to get to know.

The feeling of knowing I was 2700 feet up, in a small plane was slightly disconcerting. You know that moment when it feels like your but falls off the edge, you’ve missed the chair and you’re in free fall. Which I was in danger of, quite literally

I paired immediately with the other dominant female, who fortunately arrived after I did. Fun. I love having a sister in arms.

All and all a great day. No great connection with anyone, but it was still thrilling to fly the plane.

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Self-Awareness

I’m so grateful you were there. Click, I’m over it. I got stuck in questioning what I already knew. You pointed that out.

My roommate is depressed. Not much I can do, but it is nice to realize what is going on.

So I sat in that awareness and tried to tap into my authentic self. I know how to handle this. Exactly how the best of me parented my daughters.

Head on. She may or may not realize it, but I can reflect the symptoms back at her. I can communicate to her what I see. Facts only ma’am.

You nailed it. It is depression. If my daughter was this distraught we would have to make changes to make your life better. Since this person is an adult, my only role is to let her know what I am observing.

Start with honesty. The change in how I felt was huge.

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Bitch, Really?

New guy in one of my Meetups. I’d researched him, sparse signature but the content of the photos said a lot about the man.

Funny thing happened. He called me a bitch, as a “joke” in front of everyone.

Essentially I pointed out something about what he had been saying.

He kept using the same line. Over and over and I said, “This guy really cares about whether or not other men are married.”

A women kept naming celebrities and he kept repeating “I don’t know why she is interested in him, he’s married.”

As if that was the only lens she could see a man through. A potential target? That can’t be right. Relationships are never that one dimensional.

At least I can say I got out. I tried the Meetup groups in my area. It is always the same six people. Still searching for my community.

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Integrity in Friendships

Just had coffee with people I’ve known for a while. Assessing my body energy now, there is no question I disliked the visit.

Truth is, we disagree on many topics and I’m tiring of feeling “less than”, feeling judged and found wanting.

The topics we disagree on were varied and I won’t “argue my case” here. It is not about being right or wrong. It is about acceptance.

It is clear I’m not good enough for these people and I think this is the last time I’m going to have coffee with them.

I do not have a need to be right. More accurately, I recognize how negative it is in my life to think I’m right.

I was not able to stand in my integrity and have a conversation with them. If I have to lie in order to get along, that is not OK with me.

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