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On-Line Dating

The Problem with on-line dating is you miss the goal of socializing, not just meeting people for dates, I mean really socializing. Getting out, meeting people.

There are always ‘extra’ events that provide this function, but what we have lost is the on-going social interaction of common places. Gone are the days when you could get out socially with friends.

I’m not saying you can’t go out with friends, what is missing is the spontaneous encounters from having public places where people can meet.

On a few occasions, I have visited Europe. Their cities are designed for people to be out in common spaces together. These spaces are not very common in my corner of the woods. There are no waterfronts, gathering spaces or social activities that don’t require planning in advance.

The ‘bar scene’ seems to pale in comparison to the piazza, but I digress.

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I Flew a Plane Today

An event came up on the dating site I am on and I thought I would enjoy it, so I went with seven other women and eight men, I think.

Cute group. We’re all there to fly a plane with the secondary hope that we will meet a likeminded individual we might like to get to know.

The feeling of knowing I was 2700 feet up, in a small plane was slightly disconcerting. You know that moment when it feels like your but falls off the edge, you’ve missed the chair and you’re in free fall. Which I was in danger of, quite literally

I paired immediately with the other dominant female, who fortunately arrived after I did. Fun. I love having a sister in arms.

All and all a great day. No great connection with anyone, but it was still thrilling to fly the plane.

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Up “Dating”

After my first week I can say that a majority of the men were not interested in anyone unwilling to share emails and telephone calls.

The offer to share photos came up multiple times. Sorry, not into that either. One particular fella asked me to tell him stories. When I countered with, don’t waste your stories in this format. The whole fun in telling them is seeing the reaction and sharing the emotion, he immediately blocked me. No need for further communication.

When I say no to the email and telephone numbers, same thing. I bought six months on purpose. I’ve been through this initial learning curve before and I know it will end.

Perhaps then, there’ll be a new person who comes on. Who actually wants to meet me.

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Proximity

I’m fascinated by a feature on the dating site that lets you know who is actually in your general vicinity. These are already people who are around you now.

One guy is a neighbour, about ten years younger. I’m not interested at all. Anyhow, one of his pictures was taken at the swing set my grandson was on at Easter. Good to know. I haven’t recognized anyone yet, but many of the photos are obviously out of date.

The scammers are relentless. Why would anyone have their friend contact you through the dating site? It’s just ridiculous.

Getting attention is nice, but since everyone immediately wants to go “off-site” it is difficult to believe they are actually interested.

I recognize I’m the “new girl” and that’s why the flurry of attention. But it is still nice. It’s been a while, Spain I think, except one unmentionable.

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Fear of On-line Dating

The opposite of fear. A relaxing fireplace. Feels calm and cozy even in a photo.

My first reaction is fear. Or perhaps it was that initial stress headache. Either way, it is difficult for me to not immediately think of these guys as dangerous.

I slipped up. I meant to block my phone and forgot. Not the best moment in my otherwise great day. Now he’s been texting me all day. Not my idea of fun.

He actually asked what my favourite colour was. Seriously? I can’t even begin to imagine how inane I appear myself.

My first flurry of hits was because a photo of me and my daughter was centered as the main photo and I was largely cropped out.

So, I will try to relax into the process. Chill the fuck down!! I hate it when I yell at myself. But I know I’m right.

I finally told him clearly not to contact me anymore tonight. That would be valuable early screening. If he didn’t respect my wishes he’d be easy to block completely. It felt good to know I was still in control of the situation, despite my bafoo.

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On-Line Dating

I have a stress headache. It is a totally foreign creature to me. It accompanied me this morning when I went down for coffee and at least an hour or so after I got up. Cottage, iWatch, Easter, Guests and yes, in the middle of that my daughter convinced me to sign up for on-line dating, so I did. I know it was too much all at once because I have a stress headache, as I mentioned earlier.

With Canadian apologies, I am being blunt and honest. I am way too old to be on a dating site, especially pretending to be someone I’m not. So blunt honesty it is. None of us want to waste our time.

I can’t know in advance if it will, or will not, turn out to be the right way to choose to be, but I am too old to spend very much time sitting in front of a screen chatting on a dating site. I’m currently “texting” a guy and it is sooooo boring. I doubt he knows I’m updating my blog. He is taking longer to answer than I am. I wonder what he is doing as well?

Funny my new fascination overlapped with my new watch so my first experiences with my iWatch have all been with notifications from the dating site. I was so thrilled to receive my first notification that I showed my daughter immediately. I had taken her advice and signed up. A guy was contacting me. The universe has a way of timing things perfectly. I took it as another joke. I was going to keep my membership a secret a while longer, but the universe had other ideas.

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Access 

Metaphorically, the changes to my bedroom are a reflection of the external changes I want to make.

First, I opened access. I have been working on that and there is some light coming through the doorway, but only a crack.

Leon, Spain

As of yet, I am openly announcing that I am interested in meeting men. I’ve spoken to trusted friends and co-workers, but few at arm’s length.

I also find a reluctance to try on-line dating. If he exists, someone must know him. I can’t imagine a friendly guy with no friends.

So my only active plan was to just let everybody know. Let them describe me as they know me, not a self written description in an add.

I can’t believe there aren’t better ways to co-exist. North America seems to be missing the point when it comes to getting out and enjoying ourselves.

The best times are social and we’re minimizing that time. In Spain the cities are designed so that buildings and services surround great plazas that are designed for social gatherings. They are the same places bands play and ceremonies are held. People physically meet. We have very little of that in North America.

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