Respecting the Queue

A lesson that I have battled with the entire time I’ve been writing this blog is topics. When I didn’t want to write about bugs, I got a wasps nest. No more animals and suddenly chipmunks are blocking traffic, or at least my car. IMG_6869

Then illness, very personal for me and hard to share. Mommy issues. Finally, or at least I hope on this trajectory anyway, shame. Acknowledgement that I felt like I had overestimated myself.

Realizing that it all comes back to my understanding of narcissism which I believe I have a responsibility to share. All of that said to explain that I hope that me fighting what it is I need to write about is over. I hope I’ve passed that “test”. I will write what I’m experiencing. That is the only way to be authentic.

Spacing my posts at regular intervals, this one happens to be scheduled for July 4, just before lunch or 11 11:11, just saying.



11’s are My Thing

My timer said: 2:10:53:90 which is an eleven. Stick with me here. 2 + 1 + 5 + 3 + 9 = 2 which is eleven. 2+1=3 3+5=8 8+3= 11 = 1+1=2 Wow, that’s confusing trying to explain. Let’s just say that it is and leave it like that.IMG_6541

I went to a fabulous gallery today. I fell immediately in love with a print on a large frame that would match my bedroom perfectly. These pieces are on display in a woman’s home, which, BTW was also gorgeous and set back off of the road surrounded by trees.

I walked into the kitchen at exactly 5:11. I know this get repetitive, but when you realize the frequency, you get an idea how crazy it is.

I am craving beef. When there were more people in the house, it made sense to make a roast. Now, with just me it seems less reasonable. Fortunately, I decided that if I had enough time and energy to make a meal for the entire family, I should make the same effort for myself. So I do.



For me, it is important to find a way of living that I can sustain. I know, from experience that I can buckle down and lose the weight, but I have always regained. I notice, and feel sorry for, the people in my life that have temporarily lost weight only to gain it all back.

No. Done. Not doing that. Like today, despite my losses of the last week and a half, I am having a drink and some cheese. I’m not willing to give that up, so let’s see if we can continue to see weight loss while incorporating these items into the way I indulge.

Not bad.

IMG_2864Also, I am on Day 11 of a streak. So, for you new initiates, 11 is my number. By numerology, I’m actually a two, but I read and resonated with the recognition that twos are sometimes 11s. We have a different vibration. But it is just so apropos.

I thought earlier about how it feels to be burning on black coffee and cigarettes. The feeling of being over hungry and only ingesting those two things. It has a feeling all its own.

The song on the radio was Iris,  “I just want you to know who I am”. I danced through it, again, apropos.

I’ve dreamt up an entire concept for a website. Generic, with attachments to other blogs. Syllicoquays, that can’t be spelled right. 300 words but a slice of my rants. My thought process, my connection to the now and my insights into nothing. Welcome to part of my dream.