Writing this blog has been forcing me to confront truths about myself. Sadness comes with seeing who you are more clearly, especially when you don’t like what you see.
As a life coach with a sub-specialty in narcissism. I often coach people during their recovery from a relationship with a narcissist. “Fleas” is a term that comes up in this process.
Fleas are things you catch from a narcissist. I like the term because not unlike catching fleas from your pet, it is possible to get rid of fleas, once you know you have them.
Part of my current sadness is recognition of another flea I have from my narcissist influences. Let me back up a bit.
This is Harriet. She lives in my office at work. I have asked others to water her.
An easy example to explain is: asking for help
. For those of you who are lucky enough to have never experienced a narcissist up close and personal in your life, let me explain why asking for help becomes an issue.
A true narcissist is not someone who is arrogant. It is someone who is unable to feel the emotions of another person. Narcissists have no empathy. In real life this means they don’t care if they hurt you, because they don’t care how you feel.
When you ask for help, they make it all about them. If they are not trying to gain advantage, make up for a wrong or manipulate you in some other way, they will not help you. It does not stop there.
The reason they do not help you is because, “you should be able to do it yourself”, “you did not ask properly/on-time/nicely/far enough in advance……”, “you are too lazy to do it yourself”, “you are useless”, “you are too demanding”. I think that is enough examples.
Long story short. A “flea” people develop is to stop asking for help. This is reasonable with a narcissist, because asking leads to an attack. This is not as helpful when you are dealing with others because they don’t understand why you didn’t just ask for help.