Blogging, Life Coaching

An Old Memory

This is not a photo of that back yard but it does capture the desolation and lack of greenery.

Two large chunks of brick walls. They once enclosed something, perhaps a patio. No grass, just weeds. This was the new place we had moved to recently. I had just turned nine.

The last place was spacious, with a tree fort, swing set, sandbox and a large lawn as well.

Many homes I’ve had have a maple tree just outside my bedroom window. My current home has one as well.

Here there was no place to be outside and still at home. As an adult I can understand the need to be out in green spaces. But then, I just felt the absence of something. My cat had gone missing, as well.

This is one of the memories that has surfaced as a sensation in my body and then formed as a memory before it was released. 

Blogging, Spirituality


This has nothing to do with the story, I just needed a picture and this is kinda cool and I’ve never used it before.

I have mentioned in previous posts my propensity to see 11’s. Now I am seeing 12’s with the same frequency. I don’t know what that could possibly mean.

But each time it happens I think I am just a little out of sync right now. I wonder what that’s all about? Related or not, the new stage in my vipassana journey is to have emotions being expressed in my body.

I have become so accustomed to how I feel in “neutral”, when there are no emotions, that any disturbance is very noticeable. I’ve had three emotions come up over the last few days.

Insecurity, a totally foreign concept, overwhelmed me and I’m shocked I had suppressed that emotion. I never remember feeling that.

Or do I. The little girl with her bed pushed up against the wall so she could sleep next to it. She cried herself to sleep many a night.

There was no thought to go wake someone. There was no one there. No one who cared, anyhow. Mnmnnn.


Patio Doors

A minor sub-plot in my writing as of late has been patio doors. I was buying them to replace older doors. Terrible Oliver was at my home to give me an estimate, the day I went to see Prince, I mentioned him in my first post.

I stood to the side of one of my new patio doors looking out and realized I had recreated something I saw when I was young.

House shopping was something I did with my parents. I would’ve been 8 at the time. We viewed several homes and the process thrilled me to no end.

I distinctly remember telling my friends about how beautiful they were. I remember standing beside a patio door. It was the first one that I had ever seen. You could look out into the backyard and see the sun on the grass.

I wanted that beauty in my life. I’ve tried to have it in as many places as I could. Now, it’s here in this home and it is gorgeous. On to window treatments.