Blogging, Life Coaching

Trying to Avoid Aversion

My title is clearly a contradiction, just saying…

My roommate just told me another story about how awful it is at work. I can’t argue, but I am thinking about it less. They say you become more like the people you spend time with. I hate to believe I am seeing the world through upset and indignation.

My focus more and more is on how I can actually have an impact on my world. Like the patent I put in. Why tangle our brains with the latest fear or divisiveness? Why wallow in upset, indignation and self-righteousness?

If we direct our attention to what we can impact, our own lives, we can use our talents to make the lives of others better. This does not need to be grandiose. If you are friendly, be friendly to everyone, for instance.

So yeah, the drama at work was someone used the microwave to cook food. Apparently, people did not like the smell. Sounds racist to me. I just don’t want to be living in the space of judgement, hate and fear anymore.

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Fear of On-line Dating

The opposite of fear. A relaxing fireplace. Feels calm and cozy even in a photo.

My first reaction is fear. Or perhaps it was that initial stress headache. Either way, it is difficult for me to not immediately think of these guys as dangerous.

I slipped up. I meant to block my phone and forgot. Not the best moment in my otherwise great day. Now he’s been texting me all day. Not my idea of fun.

He actually asked what my favourite colour was. Seriously? I can’t even begin to imagine how inane I appear myself.

My first flurry of hits was because a photo of me and my daughter was centered as the main photo and I was largely cropped out.

So, I will try to relax into the process. Chill the fuck down!! I hate it when I yell at myself. But I know I’m right.

I finally told him clearly not to contact me anymore tonight. That would be valuable early screening. If he didn’t respect my wishes he’d be easy to block completely. It felt good to know I was still in control of the situation, despite my bafoo.

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Fear of Happiness?

My daughter and I went to a paint night. This is what I brought home. It was fun and entertaining.

Wednesday scared me a little. The energy, focus, and joy of living I experienced overwhelmed me. I’ve become reluctant to meditate, but I will keep the promise I made to myself. Five for six weeks.

Interesting… I had a great day and it was so unfamiliar it frightened me a little. That is worth a little deconstructing.

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Raven

So I noticed this weekend there did not seem to be any of the “poof…dead” public service announcements. It matters not the reason.

IMG_7008I have not received a letter back. I have no information about how long the original contract was supposed to last. These are the quantitative ways you can judge whether or not my letter had an impact.

I explained to the radio station that I used the radio to create a mood. It becomes part of my community. You go to get a good vibe and this PSA is harshing my mellow. What type of mood are you trying to create, I asked?

All I know for sure is that it is gone for now. If it repeats over the next few months, I’ll have to eat crow. But raven; and yes I use crow and raven interchangeably, there are way too many memories intermingled to figure out if it was a crow or raven involved and I sometimes even call them the big black birds.

But I digress, raven is my totem animal, which seems suiting in this context. It does not show up with a message or a reminder, they are around all of the time and they have taught me many things, like true love exists. But that’s another story.

I put out a request for peace and it was answered right away. Some of the fear mongering has been eliminated from my life. Thank-you.

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Fear Mongering

My current drum is fear mongering. One if the items in queue, it should’ve likely never been shared, but I didn’t do it publicly on social media, I wrote them a letter. Writing a letter is an old standby when things are important enough to share. Like you still get a hard copy from your lawyer, or at least a copy eventually. IMG_6618

I am tired of the use of fear in our society. We are all scared to death of dying. I’ve written about this before, but the truth is, all that our scientists are doing is saying, these people died. They died from A, B and C. A, B and C are caused from this so we had better avoid this at all costs.

It sounds compelling until you realize that until we eradicate death, the “cause” of it has not been eliminated despite how we act. For instance, if you have ever had a baby, you will be familiar with this type of revelation. It goes something like this.

She was overdue and labour wouldn’t start. Then, she ate a burrito and her labour started. If you want your labour to start you should eat a burrito too. Feel free to replace the word “burrito” with your current version of the story. My favourites are “sex”, “spicy foods”, “a bumpy car ride” and of course, going for a walk which might be the most boring and difficult of the suggestions at that stage of pregnancy.

Truth is, most labours start because it is the end of a pregnancy. Yes, nine months of pregnancy usually brings on labour. And while labour is not as certain as death, we use the same kind of reasoning. He died of a heart attack. She had a stroke. These things used to be called “natural causes”, now they are conditions that should be managed, at all costs, because we believe if we eliminate these diseases we will eliminate death. It hasn’t happened yet.

So why all of the fear? The letter I wrote was to the local radio station. Yes, I am one of the hold outs that listens to the radio. Unfortunately, they are now running public safety announcements that go like this. It is a lovely day…poof you end up in the hospital. I usually have the radio shut off by now because I am tired of being manipulated by fear messages. So I don’t know what the message attached to this bit of fear is.

I doubt my letter will have an impact, but I believe we have to step up and let the powers that be know how tired we are of the fear messages. I can be sitting warm, comfortable, healthy and well fed and the messages our media brings are all about death and terror. Yes, there is bad stuff happening in the world. Why do I need to feel that it is all personally happening to me, all of the time?

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Fear

It is quite alarming to watch our world begin to rip apart. The politics of fear, hate and division are causing deaths all over the world.

Society appears to be heading in the wrong direction. IMG_6210We are one. It does not matter if you exhale here or on the other side of the world, it will be inhaled an infinite amount of times by millions of others world wide. We are inseparable from our surroundings. We all breath the same air and drink the same water, again and again.

I heard a story about the transformation many experienced the first time they saw their homes from the air.

Suddenly, it was clear to them, that we all live together and the fences are just part of an illusion. They are a creation of humans to try to divide up the resources so that we could then fight over their distribution.

Even Stephen Colbert, who started by saying this is a comedy show and I want to make you laugh, admitted he was scared.

It is alarming that so much money is generated by arms sales that it can en masse that much power. Their advertising campaign has convinced an entire country guns are a necessity.

I hope everyone wakes up real soon and understands how these ideas lead to hate, divisiveness and tragedy.

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Fear

Now I’ve eaten most of the Hershey Kisses. I grabbed another ten in one exact handful and I ate the first of those. I think I’ll go watch some more Grace and Frankie.

IMGP6058I am uncomfortable. I am not relaxed. I had to think about taking deep breaths. Having a dog whine at me is not helping. My daughter was right, she; the dog that is, not the daughter, is too needy. I guess it seems like they all are. But they are not. They are not all needy. That can’t be the reason to keep everyone away, just the needy ones.

Fear that I would take him back. He just announced he is getting a divorce. Kill me now. That would never happen. knock on wood.

I am frightened. It is raining lightly outside and there are a bunch of surveyors, like a club with a lot of younger men. Walking around the neighbourhood with the tool used to measure a distance outside. The rain just picked up a bit. It is noticeably louder.

Sophie just wandered in. She is not demanding attention. Perhaps she is figuring this out. When I sit in here, I want to be left alone. She went into the other room. Now she is back whining. I shut the door.

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