Once again, I put a desire out to the universe and I got an almost immediate answer. If I could bottle and sell this stuff, I’d be rich. A friend just invited me to a BBQ. He took the time to talk about how the beef was aged, how they will prepare it and season it. The Bordeaux they will be serving, the dessert and who is invited.
One of my neighbours has had the audacity to sear a steak on a BBQ near by. They are flagrantly showing off. It seems a little much. I wonder if I went over with a couple bottles of nice wine, if I could get a taste? Now that, would be off-script.
The male appetite. It allowed a huge variety of food to be in the house because it would all get eaten. I’ve learned to cook and freeze, so I can still eat great meals, but I haven’t been able to replace the beef.
When you are buying half a carcass, you can have absolute control over how it is treated. The “good” butcher shops have all made that synonymous with organic and humane practices, as defined by them.
Don’t even get me started on grocery stores. So, I have not been able to find good steaks. The Presidents choice filet mignon with bacon come close. I’ll have to get me some of those.
When am I actually hungry? Is a question I’ve been grappling with for weeks. I want to lose weight, so I may believe I have to tip the scales a little too far. I might need to be a little hungry.
Or, quite possibly, that is another holdover from the “think yourself thin” days, but I digress.
Physical symptoms of “needing” were not all hunger based so this marker of hunger was quickly shelved, at least until I could distinguish my other emotions.
So I started with a physical growl. Quantitative. This was softened to a gurgle because I recognized I would be in a full-on panic by the time I ate.
Then I got sick, dieter’s disease, gall stones, and I had to rethink that level. I stuck with it for a while and realized there is a blend. Sometimes I want to eat before the gurgle and sometimes not. Still too much.
So I’ve returned to trying to determine if the need in my body is hunger and I’m better able to recognize hunger signals, because I’ve been forcing myself to sit in hunger and await the gurgle.
I learned the difference between hunger and other needs and I also realized I’m more energized to exercise when I eat under less stringent standards. I now know when it is other discomfort. Just past thirty pounds since I got back from Spain.
Being able to flawlessly add swimming to my total number of points towards exercise, has put me on a 24 day streak. My sweet spot for exercise is when I feel energized. I don’t want to be tired afterwards. I want to feel good and engaged.I think I have found it. Don’t be alarmed. If you understand epigenetics it recognizes that only some genes get turned on. I swam competitively as a child and so my DNA is programmed to be the most in balance when I’m doing a lot of exercise, way more than most would require.
I need to walk 7000 steps, a little over 4 km everyday. In addition to that, 30 minutes of swimming 5-7 days a week. I can track it all on my new Misfit Shine 2.
I realized last year that a half an hour a day cannot be replaced with swimming for an hour three times a week. It must be spread out. There are other benefits of exercise, not borne out in the totals that are prescribed, but I digress. Daily is better than total minute count.
My weight is coming off. I am still working on my hunger signals, but I have noticed that I feel more like exercising when I allow myself to eat on a less strict regime. My body cries out for exercise like it does for food.
I think I’ll go eat my beef dinner and then have a swim. Sounds luscious.
I found another rule from the, “I’m gonna think myself thin” era. I was eating a cookie, or rather cookie dough. I did take the precaution of using the best recipe, not just, a, recipe in case they made it into the oven. I realized there was a very small part of me that thought this was unacceptable.
Whaaat? What’s that now? It caught me off guard. I had embodied this ideal so deeply into who I was that I almost never indulged in a treat of some sort. Think empty calories, which for some reason still has pull over me.
Empty. I take whatever it is you take, I guess offence, with the use of that word. Some of my favourite foods fit the definition of empty, from the scientific community. The group that brought us agent orange and GMOs, those people, tell me that if a food doesn’t contain an item that they have identified as a benefit, biologically, then the food is empty.
I would argue that treats like ice cream, especially when truly enjoyed for the luxury it is, is not empty at all. It comes very close to an affirmation of life. A life that is so glorious. It is quite valuable to recognize that while you still have the opportunity to enjoy the things like this in life.
Anyhow, I decided to add a treat or dessert into my grocery shopping. First on the list, of course, is strawberries with whip cream. There is a super tart recipe that I took the time to photograph. All I remember is that you melt the chocolat and press the halved strawberries into it. Sounds like it might need whip cream.
Also, I have decided to stay with the stomach growl. I know I blamed it for the digestive problems I’ve been having, but I’m willing to give it a little longer to see if I can’t identify some less sever precursors to my stomach making noise.
In addition to that, I will work on trying to determine when to stop eating. That should be enough for now. Just those three things.
Tempered ice cream. Take a spoonful of the ice cream and set it down. This is just temporary, you don’t need a specific set up. Then put the lid back onto the ice cream and return it to the freezer. In the time it takes to put the container away, the ice cream on the spoon is almost completely tempered. If you can, wait another minute. If not, indulge immediately. Either way, this is the perfect amount. Have more another time, there is plenty left.
I received two likes while writing just now. They came in back to back and my fantasy is that a friend shared it and they both liked it at the same time. None the less, I greatly appreciate all of the support that I’ve been receiving. I have been attempting to put myself out there and the support has done wonders for me. Thanks.
There was an advertisement on the radio for volunteers to go and visit elderly people perhaps to play a board game or something like that. I have recognized that one of the things I’d like to do is volunteer. The problem is, it had to be something that I enjoyed doing for its own sake. I could manage a website, for instance, but that would not satisfy all of my needs. My number one right now is loneliness. So, human contact would be required.
I wouldn’t go so far as to call that a synchronicity, and after a day or so of thought I might change my mind. It was an advertisement and that is the purpose for them. But, I did put it out there to the universe that volunteering might be a good thing.
See how I feel tomorrow.
Watching carefully for that split between I’m enjoying this mouthful and I want to get the next bite. It is subtle and ingrained. Specifically designed to make the bits overlap so that you don’t notice you’re not hungry anymore.
I stopped to experience a mouthful of pizza. This is where words fail me. It was a jumble of temperatures, textures, tastes and touch. The luxury of swallowing. The response of my salivary glands, the afterglow of the spices. That is what eating is like when you are hungry. No need to think about fat and sugar if you are reducing overall how much you eat.
Food must be delicious. Why eat something you’re not enjoying, at all? But I digress. I’m still trying to adequately define the difference between hunger and just wanting to eat more. That time, I was going to get more, just as I finished. I might be on a red herring here, but its worth investigating.
Now espresso. No question, my favourite. The coffee, sugar and cream in a very small volume, quite concentrated and intense. A small sip can be completely satisfying and certainly won’t make you feel overfull.
Being very careful about not overeating has begun to make me feel powerful. I am maximizing my enjoyment of eating. This is going hand and hand with not eating too much. It feels empowering.
I just had some coffee ice cream from the stand at the Farmer’s market. They took chocolate covered, Starbuck’s espresso beans and ground them up and added them to the ice cream. Fantastic. I knew I had had enough when I got distracted enough to be thinking about next steps.
When you begin to pay attention there is quite a difference between actually focusing on eating and letting your mind slip into other concerns. The first one I noticed of course was taking the next bite. It is still another focus. It means you’ve lost the enjoyment of eating.
My first analysis of the above would suggest that you would either learn to pay more attention to the food you were eating or forget to pay attention at all.