Being able to flawlessly add swimming to my total number of points towards exercise, has put me on a 24 day streak. My sweet spot for exercise is when I feel energized. I don’t want to be tired afterwards. I want to feel good and engaged.


That “glob” is to show me the top. It is a watch and it is important to me to know where the 12 would be when I switch the tracker between holders.

I think I have found it. Don’t be alarmed. If you understand epigenetics it recognizes that only some genes get turned on. I swam competitively as a child and so my DNA is programmed to be the most in balance when I’m doing a lot of exercise, way more than most would require.

I need to walk 7000 steps, a little over 4 km everyday. In addition to that, 30 minutes of swimming 5-7 days a week. I can track it all on my new Misfit Shine 2.

I realized last year that a half an hour a day cannot be replaced with swimming for an hour three times a week. It must be spread out. There are other benefits of exercise, not borne out in the totals that are prescribed, but I digress. Daily is better than total minute count.

My weight is coming off. I am still working on my hunger signals, but I have noticed that I feel more like exercising when I allow myself to eat on a less strict regime. My body cries out for exercise like it does for food.

I think I’ll go eat my beef dinner and then have a swim. Sounds luscious.


Blog Length

Some thoughts on size, that is blog size, just to be clear :-). So, far my aim is 300 words. Now I will likely release larger chunks and then cut them up. I find I can express most thoughts and ideas in about that or less, I’ve been staggering ideas a bit to make it work.IMG_6891

I’ve now defined two levels of under eating, turns out that what I tried last week (stopping eating as soon as my thoughts strayed) was just another form of under eating. Not as bad as calorie counting and just toughing it out, by any means. I could always eat when I was hungry. Unfortunately, I had a gassy, growling, stomach for almost 9 solid hours. That is too hungry, I need to find the next level above it.

Right now, I am trying to only eat when my stomach is gurgling or growling. That is beginning a shift. (I’ve already released a post saying this is wrong.) I do not consider whether or not I’m hungry. If my stomach is quiet, I’m not hungry. So, I need something as indisputable about when to stop eating. I’m still working on that. I have a scale of four levels, two above my goal and two below. I need to find the sweet spot in the middle.

See, that was under three hundred words. Now, I’m going out on the deck to have a smoke.


No Longer Hungry?

Anyway, I left the book on the deck. I never do that. I often put it away the instant I’m done writing. The impulse was to take it with me and do just that. But, I’m not expecting company and if I left it out it really wouldn’t matter. So I sat down just now to write and I was having trouble with my mouse.IMG_6850

You see my mouse is one of those red laser types. I need a hard surface. My picnic table is a round piece of glass sitting on top of a weave of some sort. Without my notebook, I wouldn’t have been able to use my mouse. Small I admit, but a big deal every time you have to use the touchpad instead.

I just noticed a thought I had about eating. I was going on in my mind about when to stop eating. The best way to describe it is when you are no longer hungry. Simple enough, but the devil is in the details. How do you define ‘no longer hungry’.

It is the change from enjoying the food to thinking about getting some more, while there is food in your mouth

This is still a concept I am perfecting. I had my first AHA moment, sorry Oprah, its become a thang, in Spain. Truth was I was there walking to figure things out. Multiple things. I would often get hungry during the day and I knew that if I ate too much, it would make walking uncomfortable for a while. This is a huge inconvenience when you are trying to average 15 km/day.

I had to learn when I could stop eating. I always had food with me in my pack, but it made more sense to eat less, stop more often (I usually had to anyway) and learn to stop eating when I wasn’t hungry. Feeling hungry after a stop was equally disturbing.



Now, my exploration is to determine why I eat when I’m not hungry. So, that is now. I have an overwhelming desire to eat. I have promised myself that I will wait. Unfortunately, I know from past experience, once I have a full meal in the evening, I am unlikely to be hungry again until tomorrow morning.

This will force me to face head on my desire to eat. I am going to alternate writing and watching television. I associate television with eating, so that will be challenging on its own.

It’s loneliness. There is no question. That is not a new revelation for me, but I am just at the stage of being aware of it. Now, the hard part starts. Not eating, feeling this emotion. Mmmmhhhh.IMG_6711

Seriously looking for a distraction. I went out back for a few minutes. It is beautiful out there. I started to think about how I should decorate. I actually had what might have been a small growl. I’m going to wait ten minutes or so and see if I have another one. At that point, I’ll re-evaluate. Definitely a rumble. I’m going to have some wine and cheese.

My computer screamed at me. I just dashed in to get the latest copy of my Oprah Magazine. There is no way I’m choosing electronic delivery. It is the experience of having the smooth pages, tearing out a perfume sample, or recipe. The corner turned.

Just that whole linear thing. I miss that. I knew I was starting at the beginning, seeing everything and finishing. With multiple links and other pages opening, I always feel like there is more, just out of reach. There is no sense of satisfaction, but I digress.



I have five minutes only. I have pork chops in the frying pan and a timer set. Things have shifted for the better again. I feel my self energized and diving into my days, both literally and figuratively. I have started the free Hootsuite course about media marketing and I’ve already discovered it is possible to add WordPress now and it is possible to do an entire mass marketing campaign on one spreadsheet. That would save me hours.


I always put more food on my plate than I can or want to eat. It is my way of listening to how I feel rather than relying on serving size; hence two pork chops.

So, my yard is coming together, the weather is getting warmer, things have improved at work and I’m energized by my two new projects. Oh, and Sophie was replaced with a back scratcher, with the word, “Alaska” on the handle. Infinitely more useful and actually sleeps right beside the bed. Good trade.

Dinner tonight is Ontario Asparagus with an old cheddar cheese and parmesan sauce and seared pork chops. I hope I remember to photograph it before I start eating! Beeep, literally, right then.

I had my dinner. I didn’t eat the full plate full. The first part of me handing my hunger over to my body, instead of my brain, was to learn when I was full. It was difficult. I specifically witnessed the fact that when stressed, I never got a full signal. That has not happened for a very long time.


Train of Thought

Somehow, my self-esteem is tied to remaining fat as if I have to prove to the world that I don’t have to conform or that I can do it my way, something like that. The rest is all tied up in what I’ve done so far, that cannot be changed, was done while fat. Is it some how diminished? I’m trying to get this thought down and Sophie is barking constantly. Now I’ve lost my train of thought. I’m glad she is gone day after tomorrow.

Ironically, I mentioned in an earlier post how much I like the SSs in this font and now I dread typing them. I don’t like to feel this much negativity. In many ways I’ve removed as much as possible from my life. But its back! I’m so glad she is going home.

My weight was surprisingly low this morning. I think it is a hormone shift. For those of you just joining us, I started this blog because in a flood of hormones I almost adopted a puppy. Those same hormones seem to be puffing me out. There is other evidence that they have subsided for now, and likely for good. I’m coming up on a year.100-0208

The end of another era. It is astonishing to me how quickly life passes. How out of reach it suddenly becomes. Like getting on the plane in Cuba knowing that you are closer to the resort and yet you will not get there. The past is just as elusive.

I think I’ll need another smoke. Smoking is over represented in my blogs because they are both things I do only at home when relaxing. So I’m always writing at the same time I’m smoking.


Crowe vs Gosling

So then I was watching the Late Show with Stephen Colbert, formerly of the Colbert Report and previous to that, on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He was interviewing Russell Crowe and I was astounded by how fat Russell Crowe was. I stopped and became aware that it changed my opinion of him. He seemed to have less authority. I felt sorry for him. He seemed pitiful.

The sketch went on. He was promoting a movie with Gosling. The idea was to play jokes on one another to sell the idea that they can have chemistry together, perhaps in their movie. It was so painful to watch I had to fast forward through it.

But how could they possibly get along when they both want the exact same thing? There is no way they could ever give it to one another, they’re divas. So how could they possibly tolerate being with the only other person in the room they never want to talk to?

But I am interested to know, was Russell fat in the movie or is this fake comedy road show forcing him to eat so that he won’t beat the shit out of Gosling? I may go and watch the segment again. I have it on PVR, as with everything I watch I want to be able to watch it on my own time, not by a set program.

I Love Rock and Roll“, is playing. I associate this song with an old boyfriend. That is two old boyfriend reminders in as many days. I wonder if my willingness to open that window to love is reminding me of the love I have had in my life and drawing in reminders? Strange this energy flow thing. Ironically, it was during this song I realized that I didn’t want to be with this particular man.