Religion of Health

Is the argument by my intellectual self that this is bad for me, reason enough not to do something I love?


We have become a society who’s collective religion is health. Let’s ignore the fact that during my lifetime EVERYTHING has been on the “good for you” and “bad for you” list, including cigarettes, which were considered good for you for a while. It is a self-righteous thing to see your choices as the only virtuous and reasonable choices to make.

For me personally, I’m done with the guilt. Or at least I have a personal goal to stop feeling guilty. Who is to say how we should live our lives?

Eat well, exercise, avoid alcohol and other bad habits and die anyway. So what is the point?


Current Weight Loss Thoughts

I want to have sex. That may be the only motivator for me to seek male companionship. I’m just a schooch worried that sex with anyone might make me stupid. I have evidence of that occurring before.

So I’ve decided to wait until I have gotten to know someone. That requires swimming in certain waters. I have to concentrate on the merits of my appearance.

Natural hair, good skin, strong and active. I need to be out there doing that and I need to start making my appearance a priority.

In other words, my motivation is sexual. Let’s see what I can accomplish with that energy. How zen to be open to all possibilities. No craving or aversion.


Drunk and Stoned. Yeah!

I hooked up the control to the speakers in the burgundy room wrong. Now I have sound bleed in the family room.

I had the same panic that I had before Thanksgiving. This time there was no basis. It may just be weed that makes me feel paranoid.

Today’s top stories are:

Mommy in the front yard

Taras is he gay?

Weight or wait?

My non-invincibility


Measures of accountability

Sex thoughts. Am I an erotica writer?



Being able to flawlessly add swimming to my total number of points towards exercise, has put me on a 24 day streak. My sweet spot for exercise is when I feel energized. I don’t want to be tired afterwards. I want to feel good and engaged.


That “glob” is to show me the top. It is a watch and it is important to me to know where the 12 would be when I switch the tracker between holders.

I think I have found it. Don’t be alarmed. If you understand epigenetics it recognizes that only some genes get turned on. I swam competitively as a child and so my DNA is programmed to be the most in balance when I’m doing a lot of exercise, way more than most would require.

I need to walk 7000 steps, a little over 4 km everyday. In addition to that, 30 minutes of swimming 5-7 days a week. I can track it all on my new Misfit Shine 2.

I realized last year that a half an hour a day cannot be replaced with swimming for an hour three times a week. It must be spread out. There are other benefits of exercise, not borne out in the totals that are prescribed, but I digress. Daily is better than total minute count.

My weight is coming off. I am still working on my hunger signals, but I have noticed that I feel more like exercising when I allow myself to eat on a less strict regime. My body cries out for exercise like it does for food.

I think I’ll go eat my beef dinner and then have a swim. Sounds luscious.


Blog Length

Some thoughts on size, that is blog size, just to be clear :-). So, far my aim is 300 words. Now I will likely release larger chunks and then cut them up. I find I can express most thoughts and ideas in about that or less, I’ve been staggering ideas a bit to make it work.IMG_6891

I’ve now defined two levels of under eating, turns out that what I tried last week (stopping eating as soon as my thoughts strayed) was just another form of under eating. Not as bad as calorie counting and just toughing it out, by any means. I could always eat when I was hungry. Unfortunately, I had a gassy, growling, stomach for almost 9 solid hours. That is too hungry, I need to find the next level above it.

Right now, I am trying to only eat when my stomach is gurgling or growling. That is beginning a shift. (I’ve already released a post saying this is wrong.) I do not consider whether or not I’m hungry. If my stomach is quiet, I’m not hungry. So, I need something as indisputable about when to stop eating. I’m still working on that. I have a scale of four levels, two above my goal and two below. I need to find the sweet spot in the middle.

See, that was under three hundred words. Now, I’m going out on the deck to have a smoke.


No Longer Hungry?

Anyway, I left the book on the deck. I never do that. I often put it away the instant I’m done writing. The impulse was to take it with me and do just that. But, I’m not expecting company and if I left it out it really wouldn’t matter. So I sat down just now to write and I was having trouble with my mouse.IMG_6850

You see my mouse is one of those red laser types. I need a hard surface. My picnic table is a round piece of glass sitting on top of a weave of some sort. Without my notebook, I wouldn’t have been able to use my mouse. Small I admit, but a big deal every time you have to use the touchpad instead.

I just noticed a thought I had about eating. I was going on in my mind about when to stop eating. The best way to describe it is when you are no longer hungry. Simple enough, but the devil is in the details. How do you define ‘no longer hungry’.

It is the change from enjoying the food to thinking about getting some more, while there is food in your mouth

This is still a concept I am perfecting. I had my first AHA moment, sorry Oprah, its become a thang, in Spain. Truth was I was there walking to figure things out. Multiple things. I would often get hungry during the day and I knew that if I ate too much, it would make walking uncomfortable for a while. This is a huge inconvenience when you are trying to average 15 km/day.

I had to learn when I could stop eating. I always had food with me in my pack, but it made more sense to eat less, stop more often (I usually had to anyway) and learn to stop eating when I wasn’t hungry. Feeling hungry after a stop was equally disturbing.



Now, my exploration is to determine why I eat when I’m not hungry. So, that is now. I have an overwhelming desire to eat. I have promised myself that I will wait. Unfortunately, I know from past experience, once I have a full meal in the evening, I am unlikely to be hungry again until tomorrow morning.

This will force me to face head on my desire to eat. I am going to alternate writing and watching television. I associate television with eating, so that will be challenging on its own.

It’s loneliness. There is no question. That is not a new revelation for me, but I am just at the stage of being aware of it. Now, the hard part starts. Not eating, feeling this emotion. Mmmmhhhh.IMG_6711

Seriously looking for a distraction. I went out back for a few minutes. It is beautiful out there. I started to think about how I should decorate. I actually had what might have been a small growl. I’m going to wait ten minutes or so and see if I have another one. At that point, I’ll re-evaluate. Definitely a rumble. I’m going to have some wine and cheese.

My computer screamed at me. I just dashed in to get the latest copy of my Oprah Magazine. There is no way I’m choosing electronic delivery. It is the experience of having the smooth pages, tearing out a perfume sample, or recipe. The corner turned.

Just that whole linear thing. I miss that. I knew I was starting at the beginning, seeing everything and finishing. With multiple links and other pages opening, I always feel like there is more, just out of reach. There is no sense of satisfaction, but I digress.