Current Weight Loss Thoughts

I want to have sex. That may be the only motivator for me to seek male companionship. I’m just a schooch worried that sex with anyone might make me stupid. I have evidence of that occurring before.

So I’ve decided to wait until I have gotten to know someone. That requires swimming in certain waters. I have to concentrate on the merits of my appearance.

Natural hair, good skin, strong and active. I need to be out there doing that and I need to start making my appearance a priority.

In other words, my motivation is sexual. Let’s see what I can accomplish with that energy. How zen to be open to all possibilities. No craving or aversion.


Universe Calls My Bluff 

Meet-up groups seems to be the modern equivalent of the bar scene. The more organic form of dating. Large groups do activities together to meet casually. 

A couple of days ago I decided that I would try to go out at least once. So there was a dance tonight. No way that venue for arriving alone. Suddenly a brunch shows up. Details were not available before I joined the group.

It was not reasonable to expect someone to respond right away. He did. I had just under two hours to decide. Being there might put me in an awkward position about the dance tonight. It’s the same group of people.

I chickened out. Yes, every requirement was met. I thank you for that. But I’m just not doing it today. Euchre is where I have more confidence. They do it every other week. I can go to one of those.



Metaphorically, the changes to my bedroom are a reflection of the external changes I want to make.

First, I opened access. I have been working on that and there is some light coming through the doorway, but only a crack.

Leon, Spain

As of yet, I am openly announcing that I am interested in meeting men. I’ve spoken to trusted friends and co-workers, but few at arm’s length.

I also find a reluctance to try on-line dating. If he exists, someone must know him. I can’t imagine a friendly guy with no friends.

So my only active plan was to just let everybody know. Let them describe me as they know me, not a self written description in an add.

I can’t believe there aren’t better ways to co-exist. North America seems to be missing the point when it comes to getting out and enjoying ourselves.

The best times are social and we’re minimizing that time. In Spain the cities are designed so that buildings and services surround great plazas that are designed for social gatherings. They are the same places bands play and ceremonies are held. People physically meet. We have very little of that in North America.


Right Elbow


My right elbow started hurting quite a while ago and now the whole arm hurts. I have a book, “Messages from The Body”, of symptoms and their possible meanings.

Capybara watch. As of the writing of this blog, Bonnie and Clyde are still on the loose and have been spotted and photographed at the ROM, in sports events and in trees.

Capybara watch. As of the writing of this blog, Bonnie and Clyde are still on the loose and have been spotted and photographed at the ROM, in sports events and in trees.

It says, “I am resisting changes in the direction of my life”. Well, not that I’m aware of. If anything, I’ve allowed myself to change my life quite dramatically lately. Let me see what else it says. “holding off on new experiences”. Well that is more to the point.

I’ve been speaking about considering dating once again. The first step that I’ve taken recently is to start telling my acquaintances that I am looking. At this point I say I am interesting in meeting a guy around my age, who is single and is not a dick. That seems to eliminate everybody, who everybody knows.

It is an exercise in allowing myself to express a desire in public. A very strange feeling indeed. Unlike any other thing, if you want to eat, drink or be entertained in various ways, there are outlets, but to actually meet someone is not as it once was.

Gone are the large families that effectively connected large numbers of people to others. The public events that bring people together are limited, especially when you don’t go out with a group of friends.


Dating Again?

So, I’m telling co-workers, people that I know casually in my social circles and my daughters that I am thinking about dating again. I considered not telling them. But, truth is I’ll want their judgement. That is one of the safeguards that has been recommended by people I’ve told about my plan and my concerns.

IMGP4864Apparently, our current social etiquette is to meet someone electronically. If you are not on a dating site, it would still be appropriate to have the man email you directly. Anyone who knows me would have my email or would ask for it. Then time is set aside usually for a coffee. If it is a mutual friend or a friend of a friend, it might be a drink. The second date is as diverse as there are people but generally involves something enjoyable that is done in public for a slightly longer period of time. Like a walk in the park or dinner.

Before there is a third date or at least a date alone, I have to introduce him to at least one of my friends and one of my daughters. That is likely date three and four. There may be other dates in there, but none in private.

This is one of my greatest fears. There is a possibility that I lose my intelligence in these matters once I am intimate. It is a reasonable explanation to what happened in my marriage. I have written some pieces on “chemical bonding” that our bodies do. There are hormones of attachment. Oxytocin is Queen of this. She is what is released during childbirth, orgasm and milk let down. Why ducklings can bond to the wrong object. They were flooded with oxytocin when there was nothing else around to bond to.

So, that must be avoided at all costs until I believe his isn’t a narcissist.