Religion of Health

Is the argument by my intellectual self that this is bad for me, reason enough not to do something I love?


We have become a society who’s collective religion is health. Let’s ignore the fact that during my lifetime EVERYTHING has been on the “good for you” and “bad for you” list, including cigarettes, which were considered good for you for a while. It is a self-righteous thing to see your choices as the only virtuous and reasonable choices to make.

For me personally, I’m done with the guilt. Or at least I have a personal goal to stop feeling guilty. Who is to say how we should live our lives?

Eat well, exercise, avoid alcohol and other bad habits and die anyway. So what is the point?


Planning Obsession

As I become more and more aware of my thoughts, I’ve observed how much time I spend planning. Even before I went on the retreat, I needed to know I could go that long without a cigarette. A planned a gradual decline, even though I average less than two a day.

It wasn’t a problem at all, but it does illustrate my level of planning. Even though I’ve given over the bigger appointments and dinners to my calendar, I still think endlessly about what to do next. I was just contemplating whether I should watch a movie or write or whatever.

So, I’m sitting on my balcony and instead of enjoying a warm spring day, I’m thinking about what comes next. For some reason I feel as though making a decision, when I decide to do it, would not be sufficient.

Anywho, I need to come into the moment. I think I’ll sit and pay attention to my body, then open my eyes and enjoy just this perfect moment.



Now, where was I? yes, it was a fabulous day. I sat out back and read my Oprah magazine, had cigarettes and coffee and just enjoyed the birds and the wind and the sun. I opened the door off of my bedroom. It is so luxurious to have a full breeze up there. I had forgotten, it has been so long. Not so enjoyable when it is negative seven outside. Yes, I did just switch units.IMG_6763

You see celsius is better in the winter. Freezing is zero and the scale is quite easy to understand. Fahrenheit it is 32. That is not even an even number! But there is no equivalent to a 70 degree day. In celsius it is in between two whole numbers, it is a fraction. True story. So I switch back and forth but the context is clear. A 70 degree fahrenheit day is warm, a 70 celsius day would be armageddon.

On the deck. That is a great thing about this weather. Seemed like a shame to have to sit on a sunny day, with the thick blinds drawn as to ward off solicitations. Earlier, a girl came trying to sell “Grass Fed Beef”. I let her know that I preferred grain fed. True story.

The grain brings on the finished weight, which includes more fat, earlier, when the meat is more delicious. The older the meat gets, the tougher it gets. Better for soup!, but I digress. It is a Canadian point of honour to know which type of grain you prefer. I have seen the division between barely and corn fed beef. Like choosing sides in an epic battle.



For me, it is important to find a way of living that I can sustain. I know, from experience that I can buckle down and lose the weight, but I have always regained. I notice, and feel sorry for, the people in my life that have temporarily lost weight only to gain it all back.

No. Done. Not doing that. Like today, despite my losses of the last week and a half, I am having a drink and some cheese. I’m not willing to give that up, so let’s see if we can continue to see weight loss while incorporating these items into the way I indulge.

Not bad.

IMG_2864Also, I am on Day 11 of a streak. So, for you new initiates, 11 is my number. By numerology, I’m actually a two, but I read and resonated with the recognition that twos are sometimes 11s. We have a different vibration. But it is just so apropos.

I thought earlier about how it feels to be burning on black coffee and cigarettes. The feeling of being over hungry and only ingesting those two things. It has a feeling all its own.

The song on the radio was Iris,  “I just want you to know who I am”. I danced through it, again, apropos.

I’ve dreamt up an entire concept for a website. Generic, with attachments to other blogs. Syllicoquays, that can’t be spelled right. 300 words but a slice of my rants. My thought process, my connection to the now and my insights into nothing. Welcome to part of my dream.