I like to think about what brings me pleasure. I know that’s self evident, but as a scientist I look for patterns. I do what makes me feel certain ways. I recognize meditating is increasing in my life. It gives me a body buzz. A similar feeling to a nicotine rush. So that is one thing they have in common.
Goenkaji teaches that Buddha recommended no craving of any kind, even beautiful music. Dramatic shows, intoxicants, or eating after noon. I guess the question is, do I want to? The prospect of removing all higher pleasures, even a soft bed, for a shot at enlightenment, seems like a high price to pay.
Ironically, the meditation is not making me feel more grounded and secure. It is making me question myself and wonder if somehow I am “wrong” or “bad” for not giving up all pleasures. I wish he had taught just the meditation, because the other teaching is still bothering me. I am tired of feeling “less than” as though I should be a better person.