As I become more and more aware of my thoughts, I’ve observed how much time I spend planning. Even before I went on the retreat, I needed to know I could go that long without a cigarette. A planned a gradual decline, even though I average less than two a day.
It wasn’t a problem at all, but it does illustrate my level of planning. Even though I’ve given over the bigger appointments and dinners to my calendar, I still think endlessly about what to do next. I was just contemplating whether I should watch a movie or write or whatever.
So, I’m sitting on my balcony and instead of enjoying a warm spring day, I’m thinking about what comes next. For some reason I feel as though making a decision, when I decide to do it, would not be sufficient.
Anywho, I need to come into the moment. I think I’ll sit and pay attention to my body, then open my eyes and enjoy just this perfect moment.