Sitting here feeling perfectly healthy, I wonder if this time I had to get sick before I would take a day off? My week was booked and I was going out Friday night so I saw no break in the near future. I wouldn’t totally relax Thursday because I am no longer alone then and I like to have some time totally to myself. But here I sit. No headache or coughing, no runny nose or congestion after legitimately calling in sick, because I was sick. Now I feel fine. Better to rest though, it was a close call.
Understanding how at so many intersections I argue with myself. Who are these grumpy voices, I’ve memorized? Instructions about how I should live. It took a lot of work to develop a way of having food available when and in the form I need it. Even serving size. No leftovers nor being unsatisfied or overstuffed. This all had to be worked out. That was a good use of my brain, but when to eat and what has to come from my knowing.
But when I relax, when I am patient and paying attention to the moment I know exactly what to do. This is the opposite of those structures of thought, like eat every three hours. Why am I delegating power to the wrong part of the brain? I know it is getting in the way of my own knowing. The brain knows itself. You know yourself. Pay attention to your own knowing.