When I teach people about narcissism the concept of fleas comes up. It is slang for a trait you brought with you. It was a maladaptive response to the emotional abuse you were receiving. In my case, it took years to unearth them all.
I thought I was fine till I realized I’ve been putting off getting my work done. It occurred to me that I was having trouble making videos because I was still having difficulty accepting my own appearance. A hold over from a man that blamed me for not being enough. It’s subtle, but real. Nothing direct, just a pattern. The only women he showed respect for were the beautiful ones. Respect that was subtly always out of my reach.
I did not measure up and I’m judging myself that way. Wow! What was that about? So I need some flea spray. Let’s try something new with the hair, or not. My appearance does not determine how valuable I am as a person.
Rock what you got.