Blogging

Proximity

I’m fascinated by a feature on the dating site that lets you know who is actually in your general vicinity. These are already people who are around you now.

One guy is a neighbour, about ten years younger. I’m not interested at all. Anyhow, one of his pictures was taken at the swing set my grandson was on at Easter. Good to know. I haven’t recognized anyone yet, but many of the photos are obviously out of date.

The scammers are relentless. Why would anyone have their friend contact you through the dating site? It’s just ridiculous.

Getting attention is nice, but since everyone immediately wants to go “off-site” it is difficult to believe they are actually interested.

I recognize I’m the “new girl” and that’s why the flurry of attention. But it is still nice. It’s been a while, Spain I think, except one unmentionable.

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Blogging

Fear of On-line Dating

The opposite of fear. A relaxing fireplace. Feels calm and cozy even in a photo.

My first reaction is fear. Or perhaps it was that initial stress headache. Either way, it is difficult for me to not immediately think of these guys as dangerous.

I slipped up. I meant to block my phone and forgot. Not the best moment in my otherwise great day. Now he’s been texting me all day. Not my idea of fun.

He actually asked what my favourite colour was. Seriously? I can’t even begin to imagine how inane I appear myself.

My first flurry of hits was because a photo of me and my daughter was centered as the main photo and I was largely cropped out.

So, I will try to relax into the process. Chill the fuck down!! I hate it when I yell at myself. But I know I’m right.

I finally told him clearly not to contact me anymore tonight. That would be valuable early screening. If he didn’t respect my wishes he’d be easy to block completely. It felt good to know I was still in control of the situation, despite my bafoo.

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Blogging

Super Day

Oh, yes. I had another super day, just like I had before. I got a huge amount of stuff done. In addition to the list of things I blogged about earlier, several more things came to mind.

Except for my taxes, which I’d hoped to have done today, I got it all done. I did do the grunt work. I have all my paperwork entered into an excel file. Now all I have to do is put the right numbers into the right holes. I should be able to do that pretty efficiently, tomorrow.

A myriad of tasks. I made more progress on more projects today than I have in weeks. I got my move and stand rings, but the exercise minutes are getting harder. Activity only counts above a certain heart rate on an iWatch.

This distinction allows the app to correct for the normal movement you do in a day, when your heartbeat is average for you. I only got 10 minutes or one third of the goal.

I likely got my exercise minutes when I got my ladder out to change the lightbulb in my kitchen ceiling. The ceiling slants up to meet the ceiling of the second story. So it is up about one and a half stories. It is a lot of work to get up there and change the bulbs, but I digress.

I’m attributing it to the meditation. Last time I had done a solid block and I believe this time as well. Worth looking into.

Since I’m not meditating daily, I seem to meditate a lot, get super productive and upbeat and then I take a day or two off and feel myself getting irritated and impatient. 

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Blogging

Lists

I still can’t get over my need for lists. At some point I just have to pull it all together to make completion efficient. I also know once I write it down, I stop thinking about it. But I must admit to adding something later, often.

  • Patent
  • Pool
  • Crown moulding
  • Taxes
  • Max
  • Update blog

I thought there were more than four. I guess that’s another reason I write them down because they are less abstract. One word, rather than a memory of all the parts of the job.

There is a girl learning how to play drums within earshot. I have listened to her rhythm improve and the segments keep getting longer. While I was typing “parts of the job” she played a drum piece that made me envision being harried doing everything on my list.

Only two time sensitive ones. They go first.

I just added Max. I like to have him detailed twice a year and I missed the fall, other financial priorities. He needs a good rubdown. But that is just a phone call and arranging it on a convenient day. Poor Max, he gets so sad when he’s not sparkly.

Oops the list is starting to get long. I’ve added more and there are some phone calls to make, as well. 

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Blogging, Spirituality

Wants and Desires

Just paused for a moment and realized how many competing wants and desires are jockeying for my intention. It feels as though they are fragments of me, each with its own set of wishes. What a bizzare thought.

The Vipassana teachings would say that I should give them all up. That is if my goal is enlightenment.

If this were true, or guaranteed, every monk and nun would be enlightened. If that means living that lifestyle, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

I believe I chose to be here. If that is the case, I believe I would want to experience this reality, not spend it in the pursuit of remembering where I came from, at the cost of all other experiences. 

That said, as I realize more and more that the principals of coneiya enhance my experience of life, I don’t believe, at this point anyway, full enlightenment has that much to offer me. If the cost is ridding myself of all pleasures.

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Blogging

I adore smoking

I haven’t written lately how much I adore smoking. I’ll say upfront, I only smoke on average 1-2/day. I did give it up completely for the 12 days of the retreat, along with all my other vices, except coffee, but I digress.

The luxury of sitting outside, with some music on and a beverage. It is astounding. The simple pleasure of taking a deep breath of smoke and holding it momentarily in your lungs. The same breath, by the way, we are reminded to breath in order to calm ourselves down.

This is followed immediately by the body rush. A tingling all over the surface of the skin that mellows into a full body relaxation. Smoking has been enjoyed for centuries. Let’s not get started on how many times science has been wrong. All you have to do is look to Spain and France. Two cultures that smoke more than we do and have longer life expectancies.

Coming together to relax is an age old pleasure. We’ve created a culture where you can no longer go out and have a drink and a smoke.

Most of the adults alive today grew up with that as a thing to do to relax. The social aspects of smoking may outweigh the medical considerations. Death is inevitable anyway, so at best we’re talking a marginal gain by denying ourselves something pleasurable. 

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Blogging, Spirituality

Irritation

This is a photo from Palas de Rei, Galicia, Spain. Not in any way related to the blog, but I wanted to add a photo.

So, I caught myself bitching, to myself, about other drivers. We all make mistakes and pretend we don’t so we can get all judgy about other people.

On a wintery, snow covered night, I intentionally pulled in front of a woman who had to veer into the other lane to miss me. I don’t mean to say I cut her off on purpose. I thought there was another lane and there wasn’t.

I figure it’s karma, because I know I got angry when someone did it to me. But I digress, the important thing is I recognized I felt irritated. I am getting irritated with the little inconveniences in life so infrequently now, it felt unwanted in my body.

So I’ve crossed the other line. I’m not doing vipassana enough. Now I’ve gotten to the point where I’m irritated when I should have been equanimitous.

Which, to me means I’m not meditating enough. I notice I’m grumpier when I meditate less. So I need to step it up.

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