I actually forgot when I began to write, why I picked up the phone to write. That happens.

It was a thought I had and it has slipped away. I’m hoping it is slippery enough to slip back into my brain.

Targets, I just remembered. More than one target. So despite my self-recrimination, I’m doing quite well, or at least meeting my own goals.

I need to focus on the line between my brain’s instructions and my body’s knowing. I am aware of the fact I badger myself about everything and it is a habit I’m trying to break.

During my “think myself thin” periods I was downright abusive to myself. I doubt I am alone on that.

It is common to hear phrases like, “I shouldn’t eat that” or “exercise will make up for my indulgence” as though there is some cosmic oversight. A great balance sheet of how guilty or innocent we are of following our own rules.

Spoiler alert! Your body is keeping score, with or without your brain’s oversight. It shows the tally in weight, strength, health and happiness.

Many of us have bought into the idea that if we just ignore our bodies and bully ourselves into submission we’ll achieve some ephemeral goal and life will be perfect for a moment. That elusive future moment. Wouldn’t it make more sense to be content and happy now when we can actually enjoy it?

My personal targets of exercise and weight loss are all being met and I am still badgering myself. My left brain, logical, self does not want to give up control. But it is time.


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