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Sister Lost

Maggie Gyllenhaal, is a beautiful reminder of my sister, except my sister was fair with blond hair and blue eyes. But, the expressions and movements, as well as the look of her face are so similar, that when I watch, Mona Lisa Smile or Stranger than Fiction, I am always pulled into nostalgia for my lost sister. Today is her birthday. We lost her in 1996 and I fiercely miss her stillimage.

She is the only person, I know for sure, who ever loved me. She was my own personal cheerleader. I regret missing cinnabuns and cigarettes with her.

While she was alive I still believed science was my saviour. If something was “bad” for you, I still took notice and avoided it.

Little did I know how little they knew. Missed experiences. Lost joy. As far as I can tell, they ain’t got it figured out yet. But I digress.

I loved her, and she loved me back. I always felt like I was older than her. A difference that may be rooted in the fact we have different fathers.

Regardless, I loved being with her and talking to her and my heart was broken when she was taken away. It was still worth it to be sure, to have her in my life, even for a short period of time.

She would’ve loved my current home and we would be sitting out here on my balcony together drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, if she was here. Oh and the turtles, a shared delight, the candy, not the reptile, I’ve already had a few in her honour. Happy Birthday. Love you always.

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