I like to keep up with what’s been published on Narcissism and I thought it was worthwhile to read about codependency. Many people I talk to feel that they are at fault when they are with a narcissist. They are “codependent” and so it is their own fault.
So in a narcissism book I’ve been reading the author is using self-deprecating humour to make it look like he is a narcissist when the examples make a mockery of the way a true pathological narcissist would act. He suggests that we “give narcissists a break”. He uses one example where he speaks first without asking the other person about their day and then he asks. Seriously? this infuriates me. This is NOT what a narcissist does, but I digress.
In exact contrast to the give the “narcissist a break” of the first book, the second one, on codependency, says, if you put up with one you are the one who has the problem. So, in other words, if you give the “narcissist a break” you are codependent.
Your success in the above two books combined would be between being reasonable in how you react when you think you’ve been treated poorly and recognizing that if you are there in the first place there is a problem with you. The line between being fair and at fault is very thin. Overreact and you’re intolerant, stay and you are the one who has the problem. Complicated.
When are you hurting yourself if you compromise? The ultimate question when it comes to boundaries.