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Boundaries

I like to keep up with what’s been published on Narcissism and I thought it was worthwhile to read about codependency. Many people I talk to feel that they are at fault when they are with a narcissist. They are “codependent” and so it is their own fault. IMG_7191

So in a narcissism book I’ve been reading the author is using self-deprecating humour to make it look like he is a narcissist when the examples make a mockery of the way a true pathological narcissist would act. He suggests that we “give narcissists a break”. He uses one example where he speaks first without asking the other person about their day and then he asks. Seriously? this infuriates me. This is NOT what a narcissist does, but I digress.

In exact contrast to the give the “narcissist a break” of the first book, the second one, on codependency, says, if you put up with one you are the one who has the problem. So, in other words, if you give the “narcissist a break” you are codependent.

Your success in the above two books combined would be between being reasonable in how you react when you think you’ve been treated poorly and recognizing that if you are there in the first place there is a problem with you. The line between being fair and at fault is very thin. Overreact and you’re intolerant, stay and you are the one who has the problem. Complicated.

When are you hurting yourself if you compromise? The ultimate question when it comes to boundaries.

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Request Answered

Once again, I put a desire out to the universe and I got an almost immediate answer. If I could bottle and sell this stuff, I’d be rich. A friend just invited me to a BBQ. He took the time to talk about how the beef was aged, how they will prepare it and season it. The Bordeaux they will be serving, the dessert and who is invited.


He invited me up this weekend, less than a week since I was lamenting my lack of good beef to BBQ. Thank-You.

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Love Exists

I finished off my last blog, explaining that large black birds have taught me many things. During my marriage a pair often sat on the eaves outside the master bedroom. I would see them in other places around the neighbour, as well.IMG_6827

It was always welcome to walk into the bedroom and see them through the window, together. I still miss seeing them together.

One of the pair, and yes I can’t tell male from female either, was crushed on the road very close to my house. Over the next several days, as car after car spread the remains further away from the original spot, leaving barely a trace of the tragedy that had occurred, the lover sat and waited for his mate to get off the road. He waited for several days, never leaving her side, until she was gone.

He never sat outside my window without her. There is no doubt in my mind that he misses his mate and loved her deeply. True love is not just in movies. It is all around us.

Two black birds just flew overhead close enough that I could hear the wind in their wings. They were cawing the usual pattern of three then a break, repeat.

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Raven

So I noticed this weekend there did not seem to be any of the “poof…dead” public service announcements. It matters not the reason.

IMG_7008I have not received a letter back. I have no information about how long the original contract was supposed to last. These are the quantitative ways you can judge whether or not my letter had an impact.

I explained to the radio station that I used the radio to create a mood. It becomes part of my community. You go to get a good vibe and this PSA is harshing my mellow. What type of mood are you trying to create, I asked?

All I know for sure is that it is gone for now. If it repeats over the next few months, I’ll have to eat crow. But raven; and yes I use crow and raven interchangeably, there are way too many memories intermingled to figure out if it was a crow or raven involved and I sometimes even call them the big black birds.

But I digress, raven is my totem animal, which seems suiting in this context. It does not show up with a message or a reminder, they are around all of the time and they have taught me many things, like true love exists. But that’s another story.

I put out a request for peace and it was answered right away. Some of the fear mongering has been eliminated from my life. Thank-you.

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Universe Calls My Bluff 

Meet-up groups seems to be the modern equivalent of the bar scene. The more organic form of dating. Large groups do activities together to meet casually. 

A couple of days ago I decided that I would try to go out at least once. So there was a dance tonight. No way that venue for arriving alone. Suddenly a brunch shows up. Details were not available before I joined the group.

It was not reasonable to expect someone to respond right away. He did. I had just under two hours to decide. Being there might put me in an awkward position about the dance tonight. It’s the same group of people.

I chickened out. Yes, every requirement was met. I thank you for that. But I’m just not doing it today. Euchre is where I have more confidence. They do it every other week. I can go to one of those.

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Tombstone 

Funny thing about memory. I know, for fact, that I do not remember in colour. It is worse than that. I remember in the wrong colour. tombstone

A recent family visit stired up memories of my sister and a peculiar experience. Long story around the purchase, but the stone was respectful and classy, and I was pleased with the choice.

Having seen it only rarely over the years and quite frankly never under ideal circumstances, I was standing on my dead sister.

I visited after my political loss. I was certain I could find it. I had a clear mental image of the orientation, the size, colour and shape. But they were all wrong.

I made a photographic record and a note of trying to remember in detail what I expected to find here. For sure it was shiny pink. Very ornamental and larger than all of the stones near it. It was none of that.

In my mind, this sacred place where my sister rests is erected a beautiful monument, even if only I can see it. Vicki would’ve loved this summer. We could have sat out and smoked for hours.

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Sizzle

One of my neighbours has had the audacity to sear a steak on a BBQ near by. They are flagrantly showing off. It seems a little much. I wonder if I went over with a couple bottles of nice wine, if I could get a taste? Now that, would be off-script.IMG_6209

The male appetite. It allowed a huge variety of food to be in the house because it would all get eaten. I’ve learned to cook and freeze, so I can still eat great meals, but I haven’t been able to replace the beef.

When you are buying half a carcass, you can have absolute control over how it is treated. The “good” butcher shops have all made that synonymous with organic and humane practices, as defined by them.

Don’t even get me started on grocery stores. So, I have not been able to find good steaks. The Presidents choice filet mignon with bacon come close. I’ll have to get me some of those.

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