Well, here we go. I started this blog with the goal of using my authentic voice and I must admit I’ve been stuck. You see, one part of me, I don’t like to expose, is my sadness.
My first recollection of feeling this way was on the school yard, at the school I attended until the end of grade three. In other words, all I know for sure was that I was between five and nine years of age.
When I went onto the school yard I was always upbeat. This is not a phony thing, or a persona I try to create or maintain. It is who I am most of the time. Most being the operative word there.
On this day, I stayed to myself, hung back and did not engage with anyone. Everyone ignored me. No one rushed over to see how I was. None of my friends were concerned or even seemed to notice.
It was clear to me I was going to be alone, especially on that day, unless I “put on a happy face” and went to meet some of my classmates. As a sad child, I had disappeared.
So here I am today, fighting with myself about posting about my sadness. We are over the peak. The longest day, which happened to correspond with the full moon, was yesterday. I’ve noted how often the full moon has punctuated changes in my life this year.
Now we enter the slow slide to Christmas before the days begin to lengthen again. Sadness comes with realizations and truths.