So, I’m telling co-workers, people that I know casually in my social circles and my daughters that I am thinking about dating again. I considered not telling them. But, truth is I’ll want their judgement. That is one of the safeguards that has been recommended by people I’ve told about my plan and my concerns.
Apparently, our current social etiquette is to meet someone electronically. If you are not on a dating site, it would still be appropriate to have the man email you directly. Anyone who knows me would have my email or would ask for it. Then time is set aside usually for a coffee. If it is a mutual friend or a friend of a friend, it might be a drink. The second date is as diverse as there are people but generally involves something enjoyable that is done in public for a slightly longer period of time. Like a walk in the park or dinner.
Before there is a third date or at least a date alone, I have to introduce him to at least one of my friends and one of my daughters. That is likely date three and four. There may be other dates in there, but none in private.
This is one of my greatest fears. There is a possibility that I lose my intelligence in these matters once I am intimate. It is a reasonable explanation to what happened in my marriage. I have written some pieces on “chemical bonding” that our bodies do. There are hormones of attachment. Oxytocin is Queen of this. She is what is released during childbirth, orgasm and milk let down. Why ducklings can bond to the wrong object. They were flooded with oxytocin when there was nothing else around to bond to.
So, that must be avoided at all costs until I believe his isn’t a narcissist.