Transactional Love

Thing is, I’ve never received love that wasn’t transactional. I had to earn it. If I didn’t earn it I was ostracized. By my mother and my husband. So, I shutter to think of how much work it would be to have someone in my life. Then, it occurs to me, I don’t want that part. That is a part of the pathology that I’m trying to free myself from.

Ferry terminal in Vancouver

Ferry terminal in Vancouver

I’ve heard it quaintly referred to as “people pleasers” and perhaps some are, but if you only receive love when you are doing something for someone else it goes way beyond a cute little attribute.

My first rule. There can be no additional work. If I want a companion, it shouldn’t mean that I have double the work I do. The division of labour might shift, but it should be equal or him doing slightly more than me.

Sophie is providing some joy, but the price is too high. I don’t want a dog.

I’m going to watch Episode 5, I believe of Grace and Frankie, or the other way around. I think this is called binge watching. 🙂


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