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Sadness

My drapes are shut again. On Saturday afternoon the chances of a door-to-door solicitation of some sort is so strong it’s not worth the risk. I’d just rather not have to deal with it.

I have had a wave of sadness roll over me. I had a great day….the dog is barking. I left the back door open so that she can go in and out. The yard is totally fenced and she’s been out a lot at this point and we haven’t run into any problems. I do overthink things a little.

IMG_5831That precisely is what I’m trying not to do with the sadness. Just honour it. Feel it, without analyzing its meaning or why its there. It is. Deal. I’m focused on the sensation. It felt like a large rectangular hole has been cut out of my chest. Perhaps beamed to another location. It is painful to allow the sensation to consume me, but I’m going to relax and let go of fear. I actually got a little dizzy, but after a little while I just couldn’t feel it anymore.

Usually, if you touch genuinely on an emotion, you cry. That is diagnostic of a true release. I didn’t feel that now, but I suspect it will resurface. I did cry earlier during a Frankie and Gracie episode. It may be the other way around. Will and Grace may be confusing me.

Anyway, I had a good day overall, even though I didn’t get my pivoting stand for my new treadmill. I will do the arduous task of turning the pieces individually for a while and order one on-line.

I hate that I order so much on-line. Not enough to not do it of course, but often what I want is only available that way. Even all of the stands I saw on the internet were not available in the stores, only by delivery. So, again, I’m making a purchase on line.

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