I’ve lowered the bar a little on the stomach growl. I’ve noticed, that I can go all day without eating and that is not the goal here. So, I’ve reduced it to a gurgle. There is a large distinction, but sometimes a gurgle is all I get. Still objective.
I guess part of the adjustment to this new way of eating is coming to terms with how little I actually need to eat and how I systematically got into the habit of overeating. I eat when my stomach gurgles. If I was over hungry it would be making noise continually and it’s not.
I also half expected it to start to demand more because it has been in a deficit so long. It has not. I did eat last night before I had even a gurgle, but the desire to eat. To find the comfort and familiarity of sitting with some food, at home finally, exhausted and looking to renew my spirit.
Lilly just came meowing in. She’s sitting facing out on a blanket box under the middle window. There is a lot of wind so the plants are keeping her searching for movement possibly a small creature.
It is incredibly cold and windy out.
I didn’t end up going to see my daughter and it turned out that that may have been a good thing. I was really upset by the end of work today. First, a bag of emotions then each individually for a while.
Suffice it to say, a woman I work with brought this on. Now as I write that I realize that she did what she did, but the interpretation was my own. Why had I given her that power? Why did I think I knew why she had behaved as she did?