Emotional Abuse

I’ll say it right up front. My specialty is narcissists, but I have come to see that not all abuse is without empathy. The tools are the same and the reason they work is the same.

If you have a relationship you are having trouble getting over, there may have been some level of manipulation. If you spend countless hours trying to remember details of your day so you can be certain when you defend yourself, you are being gaslighted.

If you would rather be at work then home, you need to examine that.

Emotional abuse works because a person who is supposed to love you and take care of you instead uses their connection with you to undermine your self confidence and make you feel inadequate.

If you often feel bad after being with someone who ‘loves’ you, consider the possibility they are emotionally abusing you.



I have observed that Italians are very paranoid people. It has seems bizzar to me that each residence has a steel gate, often with sharp points at the top, a no trespassing sign a guard dog, video surveillance, a sign notifying passerby about the surveillance and the guard dog.

This does not make me feel safe. This makes me feel like if not for all of the warnings and security systems in place there would be chaos.

This is a photo of a 2000 year old tile entranceway, warning of a guard dog. So, I must admit there is a long history of it.


Need for Entertainment

I wouldn’t be the first person to take a glance across an urban landscape and make some over arching generalization about people and their phones. Phones are now ubiquitous.

Somehow we have forgotten that phones replaces books, newspapers, letter writing and many of the tasks we do in our days to organize ourselves.

I don’t remember anyone being critical of someone sitting in public reading a book, but phones have taken on a whole new reputation.

Sitting in the airport it is difficult to ignore the fact that as humans we seem to have an insatiable need for something interesting to think about.


Primal Urges

The primal urges when one uses her hand. Feel the need to seek a mate over your entire body.

It creates a profound loneliness. I guess that is the way we’re designed. Touching ourselves makes us want to seek a mate. It’s a no brainer.

Let’s just say I don’t use my hands often. Too unsettling. I prefer the disconnection of an object. By choice, at least for the moment.

That can always change.


On-Line Dating

The Problem with on-line dating is you miss the goal of socializing, not just meeting people for dates, I mean really socializing. Getting out, meeting people.

There are always ‘extra’ events that provide this function, but what we have lost is the on-going social interaction of common places. Gone are the days when you could get out socially with friends.

I’m not saying you can’t go out with friends, what is missing is the spontaneous encounters from having public places where people can meet.

On a few occasions, I have visited Europe. Their cities are designed for people to be out in common spaces together. These spaces are not very common in my corner of the woods. There are no waterfronts, gathering spaces or social activities that don’t require planning in advance.

The ‘bar scene’ seems to pale in comparison to the piazza, but I digress.


I Flew a Plane Today

An event came up on the dating site I am on and I thought I would enjoy it, so I went with seven other women and eight men, I think.

Cute group. We’re all there to fly a plane with the secondary hope that we will meet a likeminded individual we might like to get to know.

The feeling of knowing I was 2700 feet up, in a small plane was slightly disconcerting. You know that moment when it feels like your but falls off the edge, you’ve missed the chair and you’re in free fall. Which I was in danger of, quite literally

I paired immediately with the other dominant female, who fortunately arrived after I did. Fun. I love having a sister in arms.

All and all a great day. No great connection with anyone, but it was still thrilling to fly the plane.


Waiting for the Sun to Set

Rain thwarted my desire for a dusk photo of the city of Matera last night. My final night here, I couldn’t risk missing the ideal time for a view, in the tones of sunset.

The view point is adjacent to a main thoroughfare, a pedestrian walkway lined with shops, restaurants and bars. Family, friends and tourists create a backdrop of contentment. Children laugh and run in this car free zone, almost non-existent in Canada, except for indoor spaces like malls.

I knew to bring a jacket and the wind is picking up as the air cools. Sunset is different when you can’t see the horizon. The warmth has now gone, but the sky has no colour, just less light.

I waited till the bench was free and I now sit here anticipating the sought after dusk lighting for my photo. The smells from the restaurants are making my stomach growl, but I dare not leave for fear of missing that perfect opportunity to capture this view in the last moments of daylight.

I have no plan to ever return to this place, so it is now or never.