Atmosphere

So, we can conclude that being in this environment makes me feel like writing. My computer is not here, so I’m relegated to writing on my phone.

One of my big epiphanies was that I was lonely in the burbs. On a hello basis with most of them. Conversations occur. But truth was I could go from Friday at work to Monday at work without speaking to anyone.

Sure there would be the odd text. Rarely a phone call or FaceTime. But here, I’m surrounded by people. People on vacation. It is a lovely atmosphere. Oh and it makes me feel like writing. Perhaps I’ll bring my computer next time.

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Here Now

I recognize I publish in blocks. I don’t know if that will continue or not. Something has cracked open for me. I became to intuned to my body sensations I was able to observe them in real time.

My Vipassana retreat may have been responsible. One year post retreat I had completely rewritten my life, but I digress.

Feeling the energy change in your body in real time allows you to pay attention more fully. This, of course, frees you from realizing later that you were acting on impulse earlier. Also, I came to honour how I actually felt. I did not try to tell myself I was ok when I was not.

Being here now allows us to be aware of how we are feeling, how our bodies are reacting.

The entire time I’ve been — until now– I’ve been writing this piece there has been a high pitched screeching sound. I think it is hydro wires.

All of that to say, I write when I feel like writing and if that clusters so be it. I am still in the process of change. Nice and slow, nine months. How fitting.

Emotional Abuse

I’ll say it right up front. My specialty is narcissists, but I have come to see that not all abuse is without empathy. The tools are the same and the reason they work is the same.

If you have a relationship you are having trouble getting over, there may have been some level of manipulation. If you spend countless hours trying to remember details of your day so you can be certain when you defend yourself, you are being gaslighted.

If you would rather be at work then home, you need to examine that.

Emotional abuse works because a person who is supposed to love you and take care of you instead uses their connection with you to undermine your self confidence and make you feel inadequate.

If you often feel bad after being with someone who ‘loves’ you, consider the possibility they are emotionally abusing you.

Paranoia

I have observed that Italians are very paranoid people. It has seems bizzar to me that each residence has a steel gate, often with sharp points at the top, a no trespassing sign a guard dog, video surveillance, a sign notifying passerby about the surveillance and the guard dog.

This does not make me feel safe. This makes me feel like if not for all of the warnings and security systems in place there would be chaos.

This is a photo of a 2000 year old tile entranceway, warning of a guard dog. So, I must admit there is a long history of it.

Need for Entertainment

I wouldn’t be the first person to take a glance across an urban landscape and make some over arching generalization about people and their phones. Phones are now ubiquitous.

Somehow we have forgotten that phones replaces books, newspapers, letter writing and many of the tasks we do in our days to organize ourselves.

I don’t remember anyone being critical of someone sitting in public reading a book, but phones have taken on a whole new reputation.

Sitting in the airport it is difficult to ignore the fact that as humans we seem to have an insatiable need for something interesting to think about.

Primal Urges

The primal urges when one uses her hand. Feel the need to seek a mate over your entire body.

It creates a profound loneliness. I guess that is the way we’re designed. Touching ourselves makes us want to seek a mate. It’s a no brainer.

Let’s just say I don’t use my hands often. Too unsettling. I prefer the disconnection of an object. By choice, at least for the moment.

That can always change.

On-Line Dating

The Problem with on-line dating is you miss the goal of socializing, not just meeting people for dates, I mean really socializing. Getting out, meeting people.

There are always ‘extra’ events that provide this function, but what we have lost is the on-going social interaction of common places. Gone are the days when you could get out socially with friends.

I’m not saying you can’t go out with friends, what is missing is the spontaneous encounters from having public places where people can meet.

On a few occasions, I have visited Europe. Their cities are designed for people to be out in common spaces together. These spaces are not very common in my corner of the woods. There are no waterfronts, gathering spaces or social activities that don’t require planning in advance.

The ‘bar scene’ seems to pale in comparison to the piazza, but I digress.