The Body Buzz

I like to think about what brings me pleasure. I know that’s self evident, but as a scientist I look for patterns. I do what makes me feel certain ways. I recognize meditating is increasing in my life. It gives me a body buzz. A similar feeling to a nicotine rush. So that is one thing they have in common.

Goenkaji teaches that Buddha recommended no craving of any kind, even beautiful music. Dramatic shows, intoxicants, or eating after noon. I guess the question is, do I want to? The prospect of removing all higher pleasures, even a soft bed, for a shot at enlightenment, seems like a high price to pay.

Ironically, the meditation is not making me feel more grounded and secure. It is making me question myself and wonder if somehow I am “wrong” or “bad” for not giving up all pleasures. I wish he had taught just the meditation, because the other teaching is still bothering me. I am tired of feeling “less than” as though I should be a better person.

My Left Foot is Itchy

I apologize once again and remind you dear reader, I recognize I don’t control the topics. So yes, I’m thinking about how itchy my foot is. It is interesting the way my mind is structured. I did have my socks on all day. I try to not do that. Then, I must consider that the itch may be coming from something infectious or parasitic. Fleas can feel like that. I am sitting outside, so I may have been the victim of a flying, biting insect as well.

Vipassana would remind me, annica, or everything is always changing. Remember no craving or aversion. So, spend a moment considering how your body feels, including that my foot is itchy. Vipassana would just tell me to observe it. Perhaps I’ll do that.

According to my book of body symptoms, a “problem” with your left foot points to vulnerability issues and an unwillingness to receive support and a refusal to allow myself to be taken care of by the Universe. That doesn’t resonate at the moment.

Sense8

I love sens8, a Netflix original show. I had previously watched the first season and now the second season was available. As I watched season 2 it became apparent that I had forgotten too much of season 1 , so I went back to the very beginning. Netflix keeps track of what you have previously watched.

As far as I can tell, the program, not Netflix itself, just the user interface from Bell, my provider, used to have a different timing for when the show is over. So now, the episodes are starting about a minute from the end. You see, on the Netflix interface, it automatically loads the next episode. When you stop near the end, or at some pre-set “ending point”, the program simply starts to open the next episode in the series.

For reasons I can’t explain, the “ending point” was different. So when it advanced to the next episode, the program still assumed that I wanted to watch the last minute or so. Previously, this last minute was when it was preparing the next episode, now it wants to play and set up the next one in queue.

Once it is in the process of starting the next episode, none of the controls work, so I cannot rewind. When I stop it, it is not giving me the option to “play from beginning”. So, I’m watching the credits from all of the episodes so that I can watch the first season from the beginning. There does not appear to be a way around it, I’m just going to let it go through this process for all of the episodes and go and do something else.

Starry Night

Just had an urge to play Starry Night by Don McLean. I used to listen to it, once through, in university, after laying down in bed. It was often occupying my mind when I leaped from awake to asleep to find some respite from very difficult days.

I had realized early, everyone had previously been the top of their respective classes. In highschool, there was still an assortment of people with different levels of academic strength. Now, only those capable of getting into university were around. A new hierarchy was forming amongst those who had previously all been the top of their class.

I had long since stopped saying that I was trying to get into vet med, everyone was. I had started to say biology was my major, which was true. I just couldn’t “compete” socially with everyone who thought they were going to become a veterinarian.

New town, new environment, a roommate. Quite simply a time when I felt completely insecure. I think we have a theme folks.

Spoons

I’ve been focussing on how things make me feel. I just scheduled a handful of posts. No photos, no links, no keywords, just my rantings. It made me feel good. It gave me spoons.

Also, extending the time between posts means I do not have to post at all for a couple of days which seems to be more in balance with the other things I need to do. I am confident I’ll figure this out. There has to be a way to live in line with my priorities, which by definition should be those things that make me happy.

Following my spoons is one of the ways I am currently trying to do that.

Request to the Universe

I had another request answered. A major part of finishing my wall is getting a large piece of crown moulding up. A two person job.

I could get my daughter, but it would be difficult to find the time and if there were complications…

So a friend of mine from out east texted she was in town and she has agreed to help. She’s here anyway. Fantastic. Thanks.

Smiling Right Side of My Face

Recently I’ve noticed I have been smiling lopsided, opposite to my usual. My right side has significantly less muscle tone.It was once diagnosed. There is a name for it. It has something to do with the nerves, but I digress. I have another theory. I believe the hemispheres of our brains work independently and they affect how we use our face.

I was just smiling with the right side of my face. I was sitting, out on my balcony, music playing. I was contemplating going to the family room to have blue cheese and red wine. Wonderful colour combination.
I was smiling. It was exactly what the animal part wants to do. Oh, and the pool is being heated.

My current theory is that the right side of my face has less tone because for decades I focused on what needed to be done and that is all left brain logical stuff, like buy groceries and do laundry. Now, I am thinking wine, blue cheese, swim and the right side of my face is smiling.